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Masochistic bikers and other two wheeled mental disorders.

Hawghauler

Cruisin' Guzzisti
Joined
Mar 12, 2016
Messages
133
Location
Florida/Dubai
I think bikers are basically disturbed masochists with different flavors of pain preference. Almost like clothes pins versus hot wax. Example:


Harley owner: Buy it, immediately throw away seat, handle bars, exhaust, computer and spend the next five years buying different options that are the latest and greatest in every magazine. Constantly change out chrome doohickeys made in China that when bolted on to your sled give you instant bragging rights to call your bike custom. Run to the tattoo parlor and get painfully inked repeatedly whilst eating a box of bon bons to get belly bigger so you can look meaner, macho and badass while you waddle around the biker bar full of like-minded individuals, when your actual nature is gentle and non-confrontational if not blatantly introverted.


European bike owner: Buy it, ride it, push it home, ferret out paths in wiring diagram, get on forum, ask WTF is the reason my “fill in the blank” is not “fill in the blank”. Collective minds come together solve conundrum, everyone runs out and checks “fill in the blank” on their bike praying to the baby Jesus theirs requires said wrenching which creates a rush of serotonin to the pleasure centers.


Japanese bike owner: Buy it, ride it, hate it, realize it looks like a plastic model of Justin Bieber’s hair, decide to trade it and find out the value is immediately in the trade in cesspool and experience the pain and suffering associated with losing money on a bike that makes chicks think you are into interior design and your other wheels surely must be a Subaru.
 
Good summary. I can certainly put myself in more than one category at one time or another. Vanity extends past the Harley rider. Fender eliminators, LEDs, a whole shit load of nerdy do-dads like GPS and seat warmers. There may need to be another category.
 
There may need to be another category.

Owning more than one bike and actually riding all the bikes you own.
Not owning a cage.
Prefers riding alone or only with a couple of trusted mates.
Considers a Sunday Ride to be at least 300 miles long.
Packs candy bars, tins of fish & fruit so they don't have to stop to eat which cuts in on riding time.
Designs that 300 mile fuel tank for the same reason.
Dosen't have a t-shirt that must be worn when riding.
Actually likes most all motorcycles..........
 
Motorcycles from India could be a category as pious biker owners. Rider has a religious experience when operating. Prays the whole time it won't break down and requires the six arms of Kali to work on it.
 
Then there is OCMD (Obsessive Compulsive Modification Disorder)
That's where a sufferer takes a perfectly good motorcycle (not a Harley) and chops it up and modifies it beyond recognition.
Not necessarily an instant cosmetic make over, but a gradual evolution of improvements.

You know you're in trouble when other people cannot recognize what model bike you started with.
 
Hey Hawgy, I think you've got a lower opinion of japshit than I do of hardly rideables.
Put them emblems on a T5 and it will go backwards, I'm sure.
 
In the early 70's my first Guzzi was an ambassador. The seat had been changed & the tank painted when I got it so the only place it said Guzzi was on the valve covers. People constantly asked me what kind of bike it was & I got tired real quick of trying to explain "Guzzi"

So it became "The first Honda ever imported". Or it was a "Harley WWII desert machine prototype".
 
Maybe I will put some Harley emblems on my T5 and tell people I turned the engine sideways to make it go faster.
As a recovering Harley rider, I approve of your comment. I tell my old Harley buddies that I'm still riding a V twin, just that it's mounted differently.
 
Youse guys are crackiing me up.... like me putting BMW Rondels on any bike gas tank of bike I was riding just to fuck with people and fellow bikers.
 
I think BMW riders have there own class. Something like Pipe smoking engineers, might wear plaid vest, 2 GPS's a couple of radar detectors, Russel Day long seat, Alaskan Sheep skin with Bead rider beads, Iron Butt player, Oh and a modular helmet.
 
I think BMW riders have there own class. Something like Pipe smoking engineers, might wear plaid vest, 2 GPS's a couple of radar detectors, Russel Day long seat, Alaskan Sheep skin with Bead rider beads, Iron Butt player, Oh and a modular helmet.
Yep, they come out on Sundays for Starbucks runs to get their pumpkin spiced lattes with their squeaky clean ADVs that never seen a gravel road since new... LOL
 
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